The Ball is Rolling!

I spoke to our case manager this week, and our adoption will move forward in the new year!  Another local agency closed recently and Lutheran Family Services absorbed their clients, which filled the "active pool" to capacity, but more families will move into the "active pool" in the new year (we will be first!).

This step forward has filled all three of us with great excitement!  If you follow up on Facebook, you may have seen James' recent comment about adoption to a friend at school (overheard by Wes): "Adoption is where you buy a baby that came from somebody else's 'yooty-ris' (uterus)."  I have been laughing about this all week :).

In spite of all my excitement, my heart has been struggling as I second guess our decision to postpone twice for a year due to life circumstances (now that we have decided to move forward in spite of those same circumstances).  I fear that James and our new addition will be too far apart in age to connect.  I know all of this worry yields no fruit.  I know that God's sovereignty reigns over this process.  Even so, I need to process these feelings and grieve a bit.

Moving on, National Adoption Month takes place in November.  We plan to post on social media about adoption for the first five days, and then execute a fundraiser November 6-10.  Due to the creativity of my best friends (thank you Hannah, Jaime, Ricki, Tiffany, and Amanda!), we will be doing a raffle (great timing for Christmas).  After we nail down the prizes, we will establish different dollar amounts based on the value of the raffle item (likely ranging from $20-$100).  

As always, we will keep you updated as things unfold.  Oh, what a journey!  We originally met with Emily Frank at Lutheran Family Services in the Fall of 2014.  We officially started the process on December 29, 2014.  All has been smooth sailing on the agency's end, and they extended grace upon grace both times we "paused" for a year.  So, so grateful.  Most of all, I am grateful that God did not leave us as orphans, he came for us.  And we intend to do the same.

Getting the Ball Rolling Again

After a quality summer, we feel peace about getting the ball rolling again towards our adoption.

As mentioned in our last blog post, we moved in with our dear friends Sean and Hannah in April.  We have a wonderful apartment with lots of sunshine, our own entrance, and a wonderful patio and yard.  The lower rent payment has allowed us to catch up on medical bills and take some deep breaths.  We love sharing dinners with their family and enjoying time with the two of them and their 17 month old twins.  Occupying the same space creates community that cannot be replicated otherwise, and our hearts over flow with gratitude.

In June we decided to switch gears from a surgical focus to a pain management focus with Wes' bulging disc.  As appointments (and medical bills) slowed down and we focused on diet, supplements, and medications to manage pain, we saw improvement.  For the foreseeable future, Wes has settled into his role as a stay at home dad, small business owner, and church volunteer.  I have the utmost admiration for his role.  He works very hard while having some flexibility to rest when needed.

We chose a low key summer this year to focus on Wes' healing and spending time with my Dad, whose health struggles have markedly increased.  We spent a lot of time in the pool, in my parent's backyard, and taking local adventures.  To be honest, I absolutely loved it.

As a family, we have more balance than we have had in years.  Wes and I both know that the balance may not last, but with this new found equilibrium, we will get the ball rolling with our adoption again.

Priority #1: We still have $12,000 to raise!  As I have mentioned before, I am getting a bit burned out with fundraising, but I have some ideas rolling around in my head for this fall.

Priority #2: HOME STUDY!!!  Hoping to start this [scary] process in January.

Prayers appreciated for all the above.  Our adoption has been hanging in the balance for so long.  In the words of another adoptive mama, "The longing for a [baby] you haven't met is unlike anything I have ever experienced."  I am ready to hold that baby in my arms.

Bittersweet

Thanks to all who have lovingly inquired about our adoption.  I realized tonight that I posted the grand total for our adoption auction on Facebook but not here.  Due to the generosity of our donors  bidders, we raised $5,000!!!  That brings us to a grand total of $13,000 - over half way!!!  We could not be more grateful.

It has taken me about six weeks to gather the courage to put this next part in writing: our adoption will be delayed another year.

Wes' mold toxicity diagnosis changed our lives for the better.  After 5 years of suffering, his diagnosis led to healing.  We had a great summer and fall - I finally had my husband back!  Wes returned to work this fall and loved the new career he started with Coors.

Sadly in mid-November, Wes injured his back, which resulted in a bulging and ruptured disc.  In theory, his first career as a butcher weakened his lower back.  Because of his height, he spent a lot of time hunched over.  He has had a pinched nerve in that area several times, but rest and chiropractic care took care of it in a matter of days.

This time around, days led to weeks...which have turned into months.  Chiropractic care,
acupuncture, PT, steroid injections...nothing has brought relief.  After overcoming so much, this injury has been DEVASTATING.  Before Wes' mold toxicity diagnosis, we had come to terms with the fact that life would always be hard, Wes would always be sick.  His diagnosis and subsequent treatment brought healing and hope.  We began to dream again.  Black and white turned into color.  Each hope and dream felt like the building blocks of our new life.  Wes' unrelenting back injury knocked that tower down.

I love Wes so much and I long to see him thrive again.  I long for this burden to be lifted.  The constant pain and restrictions chip away at him daily.  He longs to provide, serve, and play.

So what does this have to do with postponing our adoption another year?

1. We need two healthy parents.

2. The financial impact of Wes not working and of his medical bills has been significant.

3. I am working too much right how to even think about bringing another kiddo into our lives.

I would like to go a little deeper.  On January 8, I went to our weekly church plant gathering.  James must have been with my parents and Wes stayed home due to pain.  As we sang worship songs and prayed, silent tears rolled down my face.  Then someone prayed specifically for us and the flood gates opened.  I began to full body sob. And I could not stop.  The sorrow and the stress all poured out at once.  Our dear friends lavished love and support upon me.  Once everyone else went into another part of the house to eat, Hannah (one of my best friends) sat with me as I gushed.  I shared with her our immediate needs.  I cannot articulate how difficult it is to be in a season of need for so long.  In my experience, it is easier to serve than to need helper over and over and over again.

At 11:00pm that night Hannah called.  She stated that she and her husband Sean (one of Wes' best friends) wanted us to move in with them.  They offered to build a kitchenette in their basement so we could catch up financially.  I wish I had words to describe how I felt: relieved, grateful, excited, hopeful.  But one thing saddened me: we could not do our home study while living with them.  Of course I knew we would have to wait until Wes' back to heal, but moving meant definitely waiting.  I cannot find any research to support this, but my body felt like I had experienced a pregnancy loss.  I wish I knew how to describe it, but I experienced physical and emotional symptoms.  My mind, heart, and body thought a baby would arrive soon, and then loss struck.

What I view as obstacles, God uses to direct our path.  Each "obstacle" will determine which baby joins our family.  Pretty incredible.

So we move April 15.  My gratitude far outweighs my sadness.  We have INCREDIBLE friends.  What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ.

My parents, Wes' mom, my uncle and aunt, and countless friends have carried us during this time.  And despite the turmoil, God continues to fill me with hope.

Please pray for Wes.  Of course he feels "at fault", which is absolutely not true.  Even as I read back through my post, I fear that I have painted that picture.  Wes did not cause this injury in any way and he has done everything in his power to restore his health.

And please pray for James' heart.  He yearns to be a big brother.  It saddens him greatly for our adoption to be postponed.  I often wonder if we should have kept more of this from him to protect him.

Thank you all for your love and support.  I cannot articulate how much it means.